My Father --- Amble Benaron Carter

Amble Benaron Carter
October 15, 1933 - April 7, 2009

Dad and his wife Nancy

It is always hard when a parent passes away, and although we expect to one day receive the call, it never is easy. It certainly did not help that I had lost my sister just three weeks earlier. As a matter of fact I believe it made it so much harder because I still had not given myself time to grieve for Christi, and here I am grieving my father. You may have noticed it has taken me over three months to even post this blog.

Most who know me know my relationship with my father had been estranged for the last thirteen years - only speaking to him a few times over these years. So in a way I have been grieving his loss for quite some time. After my sister Christi passed away I knew I had to call my father to let him know I loved him, and to begin trying to bridge a gap which was as large as the Mississippi. So I called, and this is when I found out about an accident which changed his life.

In my phone call, which was on a voice mail, I said to my father -- "In light of Christi's passing, I did not want to let another day go by without telling you I love you. I want you to know whatever has happen in the past I love you. If you want to talk to me please call, and I hope you do."

Little did I know these would be the last words I would ever say to my father, and for that I am grateful. Little did I know, he may or may not have heard them. Hence, the event which changed us all.

The day I called my Dad, his wife, my stepmother, Nancy, called me back to talk. I was grateful and surprised. Little did I know what had been happening and she spent the next 30 minutes telling me about the months prior to his death.

My father had a bad accident in January which caused him great harm. It was an unusual accident, and the details are fuzzy for me because we were not told until after my sister passed away in March. Dad's accident involved a dog attack where he ended up falling down and hitting his head very hard on the concrete. In the coming weeks there would be so many complications with his injuries, and he would require a craniotomy. The first of two. Then he subsequently broke a collar bone due to a fall in the hospital, and was having trouble getting around, taking himself, hearing and speaking.

These surgical procedures would have a lasting effect on my father, and in the end, when I left my message, he could not speak and he had only about 30% of his hearing. This had to have been hard on him and Nancy as they tried to navigate this new territory and phase in their lives. My father was at his home with Nancy during the final phase of his life. I am sure my father gave a valiant effort, but on April 7, 2009 he passed away.

Even with the estrangement in our lives I loved my father. I am saddened by the fact he never had the opportunity to meet his two wonderful grandchildren, Sierra and Tanner. He would have enjoyed being around them. I will never understand his decision to drop contact with my family because of a perceived misunderstanding on a family vacation. I don't believe any of us are better for that decision, however we cannot change that now. We can only learn from mistakes and try and find peace and solitude at this time.

I am so grateful my father was there at my wedding to walk me down the aisle and to meet Polo. I know my father knew Polo was a good man, and he was glad to see me happily married.

I am posting this after Father's Day because it has taken me sometime to get the courage to write about my father. On this Father's Day I am a sad at the loss of my father, and the thought I will never see or talk to him here again. Here are some things about my Dad.

He was funny.

He had a mega watt smile (and we got them too).

He liked jokes.

He was handsome.

He took care of everything he owned!

He was a stickler for details and liked things done right (sound familiar).

He had a stubborn streak a mile long (see I'm not far from the apple tree).

He was efficient and always knew the best way to do things. (me again)

His laugh was full of life!

He loved doing all of his chores early so he could sit out by his pool and enjoy the rest of his day in his backyard, which was always meticulously clean.

He loved Star Trek.

He liked to read Isaac Asimov books.

He worked on our family genealogy and gave us all our family's history.

He loved going to Gulf Shores with his wife, and they spent most of their vacations there for the over 40 years they were married.

He loved space and anything to do with space and flight.

He was proud of his children and their accomplishments.

He loved corvettes and owned one for many, many years.

______________________________________________________

My father has passed on and there will always be this void in my heart for all the time we lost. For the misunderstandings. For the loss. For what could have been while he was here on this earth. I will not dwell on the what ifs and what could have been. I will remember the good in my father and I will be at peace with those memories.

Dad and my Uncle Jerry, his brother

Father's Day 2009

This year Polo's brothers and sisters all got together and went up to Yucca Valley on Saturday to help their father celebrate Father's Day. It was a wonderful day which Jose, Polo's brother, had arranged. All the kids brought the food and Dad and Aileen didn't have to do anything. We all had arranged to be there around 3:00 PM for dinner around 4:00 PM. We had a great dinner of chicken, baked beans, salad, and desserts. It was really great to get time to visit with Dad and Aileen without any children around. It was amazing how much conversation took place. As many of you may know the Doria family is large and when we all get together it can be loud, action packed and quite busy. There are 5 siblings, 5 spouses, 30 grand children and 19 great-grandchildren. See what I mean! For those who know Polo's Dad, Eleazar Doria, you know he is a man who is always working and never satisfied with sitting around passing the time away. Today was no different. After the wonderful Linner (lunch and dinner combo) was over and the conversation was lingering, it was time to get to work.

Jose and Colleen took advantage of the massive wood piles to get some wood for their beach nights in San Diego. Dad immediately put everyone to work. He started up his wood splitter (which we all chipped in to give him on his 75th birthday) and started splitting wood. When Dad's works everyone works, and this is a good thing. Polo was glad he got to be the one who drove the tractor! (Tanner would be extremely jealous of his fortune.) He had to go get the wood which needed splitting. Let us all not forget there were already massive stacks of wood split as is evident in this photo. Nevertheless, they had to split wood, must have been a man thing.

So the wood got split, the car got loaded and everyone was happy. Especially Dad. He really was in hog heaven splitting wood and working with his kids. All of the Doria children have had their Dad's influence and work ethic as a part of their life. Almost all of them are self-employed and therefore their own boss. He taught them the importance of always being honest, hard working, and of good faith. He lives these tenets daily.

Everyday I see Polo's father's influence on who he has become. Polo is a great Dad to his children and he is trying to pass along his father's lessons. He is patient, kind, generous, loving and a man of faith and what better example can be found for our children. I am thankful Sierra and Tanner have him as a Dad.

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY POLO!

Milestones

It seems not so long ago I was pushing almost two year old Sierra in a stroller at the San Diego Zoo having a great time looking at all the animals, and enjoying a perfect San Diego day. I was then eight months pregnant with Tanner and walking very slowly and she said to me, "Mommy tired. I help you walk. Holds (her word) my hand."

Today I watched as she grabbed her back pack, blew me a kiss, opened the car door, and said, "Bye Mom. I love you. I will be okay." She is off to high school. On the way home I had to drive around a bit because I was too emotional to go home right then.

I am not exactly sure what I was crying for, I just was. Maybe I was crying because these years seem to go so fast. Maybe it was because I saw the real young girl starting to disappear right before my very eyes, and the young woman emerging. Maybe it was because I love her so much, and I am not sure she gets that. Maybe it was because I know high school is another milestone. Maybe it was because I know she is a fantastic young lady, and I am very excited for her new adventures and the promise they hold. Maybe it was because I am a little afraid to let her go. Maybe it is because there are so many things I want to tell her, and I don't know if I have covered them by now.

Maybe it is a combination of all of these things. I am sure it is.

Whatever the reason, it is good to have a cry over something as positive as my daughter going to high school. My life for several months has been wrought with such sad news that I am deeply grateful for something positive and uplifting, such as Sierra. She is a wonderful daughter and even though many of our days are filled with "discussing" opposite heated opinions, I want her to know I am proud of her and all she has accomplished to date. I know she will be okay and she will be a leader in whatever she chooses to do.Sierra, this is yet the beginning of a new milestone in your life. Make the most of your high school experience because it will offer you many opportunities in many different areas, and begin to prepare you for the educational road ahead.

Everything from this point on in school counts. Do your best. Try your hardest. Be proud of all you do. Celebrate your wins. Learn from you losses. Be kind. Be generous - with your time, your talents and your knowledge. Be strong in faith. Be an example to all those around.

There you go!

Go get 'em girl!

Choose the Right!

We Love you!

Tanner - Honor Roll

I am so proud of this little dude!

Did I say little? He is no longer little, he is a young man. Taller than me (not like that is saying much), he almost out weighs me, and I am sure he can take me down if he need to.

Anyway, Tanner has worked hard this year to do his best in school. He was really looking forward going to middle school and I am glad he had a great year. Tanner managed to stay on the honor roll all three semesters, and for the first time he managed to beat Sierra in GPA for this last semester.

Classroom learning has never come easy for Tanner because it is not something he actually likes. He made great strides this year and we challenged him to be on the honor roll for the whole year and he certainly lived up to that challenge.

Congratulations Tanner on a job well done!

WE love you!

Sierra's 8th Grade Promotion

From Collages

Honors Awards Night

It is always nice to be invited to the honors night program because it means your child will be recognized for their hard work in school. Sierra has been a great student in her years to Col. Mitchell Paige Middle School and we have been invited all three years to this event.

Many have heard me talk about Sierra's somewhat lackadaisical effort in school because she just does enough to get by. Even her teachers have said she would be an exceptional student if she really put an effort towards her work. This year I really was not expecting to get the call because she has had an extremely difficult time in Algebra, and basically math kicked her butt. However, her other grades were good enough to place her on the honor roll for all semesters again in the 8th grade. One was by the hair of her chinny, chin, chin!

It really doesn't matter how you stay on the honor roll, just as long as you are there. At the awards ceremony she received the student of the year award from Mrs. Sherman for her dedication to The Sound of Music and all the other productions she had been a part of through the years. She shared the award with her co-star, Scott Hancock. We figured out this was the award she was getting at the honors night, but we did not know there would be another award.

There were new awards for this year's eighth graders, The President's Education Award for Academic Excellence. We were not aware Sierra was getting this award at all. This award is given to those students who for three years have had outstanding academic performance for all three years. There were about 20 students who received this level of award and then another group of about 25 who received the highest President Education Award. It was a great night for all the families and their students.

Delaney VanWinkle, Sierra and Shelby McNichol

Congratulations!

Ground Breaking for the new Chapel

Polo and Tanner got to be a part of the ground breaking ceremony for the new Bermuda Dunes LDS chapel which is being built on Washington Road. I was out of town but I was glad they got to be there for our family. Once this building is completed we will only have to travel about 5 minutes to church instead of the 20 minutes we do currently. This new building will be so convenient and will certainly make it easier for all of those who use the chapel on a daily basis.

(Thanks Alysa, I stole your photos since I was not there and you know Polo did not take pictures!)

Alexander the Great - lives in La Quinta

Alexander never really looked this great!

One of Tanner's other projects was to do a report on a Greek God or Goddess, a Greek hero or a person of Greek history. He had to write a two page essay on that person (using 5 references), write note cards, write a rough draft, make a costume from that period, and finally do a presentation in front of the class in costume.

Hence - Alexander the Great lives in La Quinta, California.

What was so great about Alexander the Great's costume was the fact it only cost us some tin foil, cardboard, tape and hot glue -- in other words, it was pennies. Tanner was able to create his master piece in one afternoon since no sewing was involved. Let's just say by the looks of his costume you can surely see it only cost pennies. However, I must say, his man dress was a hit! Tanner was a hit as well and he garnered a score of 103% for this project.

Galena? Do you know what this is?

I did not know what Galena was, what it was used for or what it was used in. However, after Tanner's science project we all now know - and that is a good thing. Tanners science assignment for science was to create a tri-fold brochure on Galena, a mineral, talk about it's properties, uses, where it is found, how it is mined, and what the effect be on the world if this mineral were gone forever.Yes, Tanner is only in 6th grade, and finding out what the world would be like if all the Galena reserves were gone was just one of five projects due during the month of May.

I don't believe Tanner could have been given a mineral more appropriate to his specific needs. Galena, as we all learned, is in every single battery produced in the world. Tanner is the battery king. He loves batteries. He loves all things requiring batteries. He has done battery science projects. He has an energizer bunny on his shelf. He is indeed the battery king.

Therefore, he knew exactly what would happen to the world if batteries were no longer able to be made due to a loss of Galena. Here is his quote on his brochure.

"If the supply of galena was depleted there would be screams heard throughout the world. We would no longer be able to make batteries! No more remote controls for the TV's, no batteries for flashlights, no batteries for gaming system controls and our cars would slowly die and transportation relying on batteries would come to a halt. Oh this would be tragic! Oh the humanity!"

He also had to create a model for a use of his mineral and he decided to replicate an emergency preparedness radio. I wonder where he got that idea from? When he was building the model he wanted everything to be exact and he wanted the radio to actually make noise. The conversation went like this.

I said, "Son, it doesn't have to make noise. It is perfect just like it is."

"No Mom. I want it to make noise because Mr. Harper likes that."

"He likes things that make noises?", I asked.

"No, he likes things that are made well and make noises."

"Yours is made well. You don't really need a noise maker, it won't really matter", I added.

"MMMMOOOOOOMMMMM", he whined.

"You don't know what he wants but I do. I want a noise maker inside the radio", he whined again.

"We are not spending any money to put a noise maker inside your project. If you can find something in the garage then we can put it in, but I am not going to the store to purchase one thing for this project. Which, by the way, is already perfect."

"I know the perfect thing!", he bellowed.

"Remember the doorbell I made in scouts when I was earning my electrical badge?"

Actually I did remember, but I was highly doubtful we would be able to find it in the garage, and even more doubtful it was still working and all the parts were there.

"Yes son. I remember the doorbell. Just go see if you can find it in the garage. But you know, we are now going to have to cut open this perfectly good radio just to put a doorbell in it, and are you okay with that?", I said knowing he would not find the doorbell.

"Yes Mom. It is fine. It will be fine. I will go find it", he assured me.

Two minutes later Tanner comes running in from the garage, "I found IT! And it works! Can you cut open the radio?"

So I began surgery on the radio and was trying to make the smallest incision possible to insert this doorbell into the box, and we would have to cut a circle for the button on the front. About 10 minutes later surgery was complete, the scar was minimal and the emergency preparedness radio made a noise.

Moral of the story: NEVER underestimate the power of an 11 year old boy who wants to make noises!

Tanner in the end was right. Mr. Harper loves things that make noises and are made well. Tanner scored 105 points on his model. He got extra credit because it made a noise! Go figure.

I love Tanner and his enthusiasm and persistence - most of the time.

Mother Daughter Dinner

Wednesday - May 13, 2009

Mother's Day

Mother - Daughter Dinner

at the VanBuskirk home.

On Wednesday we had our Mother/Daughter dinner to honor our mothers for Mother's Day. The theme was flowers with colorful daisies everywhere.

The girls made flowers for their moms, and the moms made flowers for their girls, but I'm sure there was a bit of consulting going on

First we made flowers with fabric and old buttons. We picked fabric we liked out of a big bin, then cut the flowers out using a die cut machine. The huge tub of buttons was so fun to dig through to try to find that perfect button to go with each creation.

The leaders prepare a dinner for everyone. It was yummy tomato soup, wonderful sandwiches and a luscious chocolate fountain with all kinds of fresh fruit to dip into its oooouy, gooouy goodness!


After dinner the leaders had each of the mother - daughter teams come up and talk about what value they liked most about one another and we had to cite examples of how they lived their value. It was good hearing what the mothers and daughters thought about each other.

Thank you Rachelle for the posting -- I used your information as I try to catch up on three months of blogging!