KEN CARTERPICTURE FROM SUMMER 2008
After the passing of my aunt, my sister and my father everyone kept saying, "You know things happen in three, so really what else could happen?"
We found out on Memorial Day what else could happen. I received a call from my mother that my brother Ken was in the ICU in Tacoma with severe pneumonia, and he was on a ventilator. I really did not know what that meant, so I called our cousin, Jamie, who I knew could explain everything to me because he is a emergent care nurse in a hospital.
Jaime explained everything I needed to know, and what questions I needed to ask the doctors to see how Ken was doing. I explained to Jaime Ken was a quadriplegic for over 28 years. Jaime explained how his physical state would affect his use of the ventilator, how it would be difficult for him to get off of a ventilator, and what we could expect. At least I was prepared for when I spoke to the doctor, and it made me calmer knowing what I needed to ask.
When I spoke with the doctor all the things Jamie told me he would ask, he did. So I was prepared and had some follow up questions of my own. The doctor's prognosis was not good and he seemed to believe Ken's condition would improve very little and Ken would more than likely have to be on a ventilator the rest of his life. This meant he would never get to go back to his home.
FLASHBACK : A little background information. Twenty eight years previous Ken and some friends were diving in Northern California, and he dove off of a cliff. They had done this before so it was nothing new. However, this time when he dove in he hit a rock lodged underneath the water, and his life was changed forever. He broke his neck, and has been a quadriplegic since.
Most people would use the excuse "Woe is me" when faced with such a terrible accident, and an extremely long road to recovery (although recovery is not the correct word). He would never recover from this accident. He has managed to maintain his positive attitude throughout all of these years. He has relied on his faith in God to be his inspiration through these years. He has been a blessing and inspiration to many.
Throughout these 28 years Ken has been as independent as a person can be when facing life as a quadriplegic. He has caretakers who come to his home daily to take care of all his physical needs and manage his house. He bought his home, I am guessing about 20 years ago, and has lived there by himself since. His caretakers are not there during the night, and although this always has worried me, Ken has never been worried.
For the last few years Ken has had even tougher obstacles. His leg was broken and believe it or not, he did not know until it started to heal. As the healing process took place the leg healed in a bent position. This created a major problem. Ken was now unable to get into his wheelchair and therefore he was not able to go outside. That was unless he had a trip to the hospital or a doctor's appointment. Both of these instances meant he was required to go out on a gurney. Even when presented with this obstacle Ken tried to maintain his positive attitude and go forward with trying to get his leg fixed. Well, here five years later, it still has not been fixed. Most doctors say they just want to amputate the leg, not repair it, because he is a quadriplegic. Ken does not want his leg amputated, he wants it fixed. So the battle continues.
Well, this is just a very small glimpse of what Ken's life is like.
Now fast forward to Memorial Day 2009.
The news of his stay at the hospital was scary and surprising for us all. Even with all of his challenges he has never been in the hospital, let alone the ICU, for this length of time and we knew this was different. He had pneumonia so bad he was placed on the ventilator, and doctors were not giving a good prognosis about what was going to happen. My brother was getting weaker by the day, and each day he grew more and more frustrated by what was going on around him. When they had to perform a tracheoscopy (a procedure to place a tube in his throat) I believe it was the final straw for Ken.
He explained to the doctor he did not want to stay on the ventilator, and he wanted all life saving measures to be stopped. The Doctor contacted our family to let us know about Ken's wishes and said because Ken was an adult his wishes would be carried out. This information coming so close after my aunt, sister and father's passing was too overwhelming for me. I could not think clearly. I was distraught and not ready to bury another family member.
I asked the doctor to ask Ken if he would wait until we could fly to Seattle to be with him and to say goodbye. The doctor asked but Ken said no. He did not want our family to see him this way. This too was way too much for me to handle. I immediately called my sister Martha to have her call and see if she could get Ken to change his mind. All the while I was booking flights to Seattle knowing no matter his decision, I was going.
Martha called an hour later and Ken had agreed to wait for everyone to come to Seattle. So my mother, sister, uncle and myself flew to Seattle the next day to be with Ken as he passed away.
The flight to Seattle was perhaps the worst day of my life. I know I have never cried this much or this hard. I could not believe what was taking place, and I was not ready. I felt so alone. No one can imagine what it is like to lose four family members in five months unless you have been there. It was truly overwhelming. I had been up most of the day before so I was extremely tired and emotional when I got on the plane. I am not sure I ever stopped crying until we landed.
The kindness of strangers. On the plane my crying was not loud, just silent sobs, and I was on a row by myself so I wasn't intruding on anyone's space. This gentleman in front of me leaned back his seat and said, "Would you like for me to sit back there with you so you have a shoulder?". I was surprised by his action, but it was simple, pure and kind. I told him thank you, but I was fine. He knew otherwise.
Throughout the flight he continued to check on me, and at one point he just reached back and held my hand. Simple, pure and kind. It helped some. I did feel alone. This man helped to calm me before the flight landed and I had to pick up my mother and sister. I told him as we got off the plane that a simple act of kindness was the greatest gift, and I will pay it forward some day.
Now when we all arrive at the hospital (May 29, 2009) we are bracing ourselves as we go to the ICU. Immediately when we go into my brother's room what we are greeted with shocked us all.
There was my brother, with so many machines around him in the hospital bed, there was little room for us in the room. He was sitting up, smiling and he looked over to all if us and mouthed (he could not speak at this time) the following words with so much enthusiasm and happiness it made all of us laugh. He mouthed --- "I AM NOT GOING TO DIE TODAY! I AM NOT GOING TO DIE TODAY!"
We all really started to laugh because we knew our prayers had been answered. The Lord's will be done. We were not quite sure what had happened from the night before to this afternoon, but all we knew was we were elated. I was not going to see my brother pass away on May 29, 2009, and I would not have to see my mother bury another child. No, May 29, 2009 would not be the end of this earthly chapter for Ken. It would be the beginning of a very long struggle to get him back to where he was on May 21, 2009. We could all handle a struggle at this point.
After much discussion with doctors, nurses and the respiratory therapist we now knew what was in store for Ken. What changed in one twelve hour period was a man named Mike. Mike single handily saved our brother that night in ICU. He is a respiratory therapist who was perhaps the most positive, motivating person I would ever encounter in a hospital situation. Although Ken had spoken to several doctors and nurses prior to Mike's arrival, no one other than Mike was able convince Ken there was another option to being taken off the ventilator and dying on his own.
Mike did not believe in this option (taken off the vent). He knew after being with Ken that evening that Ken was a fighter and stubborn. Two things required to make steps in getting off the ventilator. He encourage, cajoled and badgered Ken into trying another breathing machine which would allow him to slowly build up his muscles as he worked to breathe on his own. He told Ken even two minutes would be a good start. So Ken gave it a whirl and he did complete two minutes on his own. Then he completed 8 minutes on his own. Then 32. Then 57. Then almost 90. In other words, my brother could at least try and fight!
It was all a beginning and it would start the long six to seven week process of weaning Ken off a ventilator. The real tricky part is they can try all of this, and even at the end of the road, Ken may not get off the machine. We are not going to look at it that way. We are just going to keep cheering him on and praying at the end of the seven weeks, he will have reached his goal to be off the machine, and be able to return to his home.
Ken was transferred from the ICU to a long term acute care hospital in Seattle. This hospital specializes in ventilator weaning with severely disable people. Ken has been there for just over two weeks now and he is amazing everyone around him. He has progressed to a point where they are going to remove the tracheoscopy tube in his throat on Monday June 28, test his swallowing capability and keep him moving towards recovery.
I got to talk on the phone with my brother for the first time this week and it was great to hear his voice. My brother can talk a mile a minute, and he can talk for hours on end until your ear feels as though it is on fire. On the phone I just let him talk as long as he could because there was no greater sound at the time. I am thankful he is still here able to let us know what he is feeling, thinking, and what he needs. These all sound like simple things and they are. Let us all not take everything we feel, think and need for granted. Let us know each and every day is a gift and open this gift each day and look at it with magic and wonder.
I have learned over the last three months to never forget to end my conversations with my loved ones with the simple words, "I love you". I now know we may not have another chance until we meet again.
To my family and friends -- I love you!
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